After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
