oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
