does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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