I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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