You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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