I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
