I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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