guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just cropdusted the office
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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