How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
