I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
