I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
