I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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