And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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