I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
