I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
