the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
