Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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