He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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