pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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