I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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