you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
birth control should be required to get into college
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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