I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
