im so drunk with asians
where?
always
nutella sex= disaster
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
