you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
