I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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