I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
