i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
