You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
