PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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