Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
