my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
