There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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