Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
