nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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