She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
