Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
