I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
