im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
