What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
