My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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