i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
