Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
