I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
