Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
