Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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