Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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