i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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