You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
