Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
