There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
