the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
