just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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