forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sex in a hospital.. check
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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