i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
