Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
