then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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