btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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