she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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