Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
