I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
