tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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