Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
