Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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