i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
