That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
