He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
