how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We smell like vodka and hangover
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