i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
