and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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