I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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