Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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