i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
